Hermione Granger's Diary
by Wonk
Summary: (COMPLETE) Hermione Granger decides to make her 7th year at Hogwarts worthwhile. She makes resolutions, wears shorter robes, and will do anything to stop the Takens from harping her about her love life. RWHG and SSHG.
1. School Year Resolutions

Summary: Hermione Granger decides to make her 7th year at Hogwarts worthwhile. She makes revolutions, wears shorter skirts, and will do anything to stop the Takens from harping her about her love life. RW/HG and SS/HG. 

A/N: So what if it's been done before? I decided to do a Harry Potter version of Bridget Jones's Diary (the book, not the movie, though the movie is good, too), and in turn for that book. This also does involve a Snape/Hermione pairing (eventually).

**8/14/04: Newly revised to make less OOC (In Progress).**

Chapter One

_School Year Resolutions_

**Will not**

Leave assignments until one week before due date  
End up in hospital wing with mirror clamped in hand  
Fail N.E.W.Ts  
Seduce Malfoy and other future Deatheaters for personal amusement  
Think negatively about abilities and self in general  
Indulge in chocolate with excuse of Dementors  
Like men who have the emotional capabilities of a cactus  
Fly off at taken friends and their ability to eat away at every bit of pride I have of being single  
Wear giant knickers

**Will**

Coax Ron into asking me on date, if only to determine that he is, in fact, completely wrong for me  
Get top marks in every class  
Free house elves everywhere  
Pass N.E.W.T.s with flying colours  
Help Harry defeat Dark Lord  
Control myself

**1st September** Monday

_Chocolate units eaten: 2 (good), Assignments due: 0, Assignments turned in: 0, Malfoy seductions: 1 (unsuccessful)_

The train ride to Hogwarts was rather uneventful, though the presence of couple-dem this beginning school year is rather overwhelming. Harry and Ginny seemed to have a bit of trouble keeping their hands to themselves and ended up getting a chiding and scowl from the pudding cart lady. For a while, Ron was nowhere to be seen. Though I think I did see a sporting of bright red hair in the women's loos as I headed to the Head Boy/Girl and Prefect car, I refuse to believe he was in there.

By this time, I was becoming quite bored and couldn't help but flash a little leg at Malfoy when I reached the car, but I don't think he noticed. It's becoming quite an unsavory habit, and one I must break. Though the faces he makes and the look in his eyes whenever I show him a little skin is quite addictive. But this is something that's only a sport for me, nothing to take too seriously. Right? I can't play Quidditch, I have to do something for entertainment. And what's more entertaining than driving an evil boy absolutely mad?

It's all old men's fault, really. I never actually realized that I might be attractive until I was on a short holiday with my parents in London last summer and was asked by two men, both considerably similar-looking (short, chubby, bald, resembling Flitwick but a bit taller) to go with them to their rooms for drinks. I just laughed and walked away, hoping to Merlin that they were kidding, but it did help me to conclude that I'm not that bad looking. Maybe I don't turn heads when I walk into a room, but if two middle-aged men want me in their rooms, that must count for something. No matter how disturbing that something is. Draco must just be an exception to the rule.

Ron joined us later and remained quiet for the entire ride to school. Though I believe there were some long, lingering glances in my direction, and I could tell that he wanted to pull an uneasy argument out of thin air numerous times. Palpable tension. Very good.

**2nd September** Tuesday

_Chocolate Units: 3 (acceptable), Assignments Due: 0, Assignments Turned In: 0 (I will not hyperventilate, though I would thwack someone with a mutated pig's heart for some extra credit), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (couldn't find him, but v. g.)_

6:07pm

Shortened the hem of my robe this morning before classes for convenience's sake. Earned some hefty looks from the Takens (Ginny, Harry, and every other hormone-driven adolescent that swaps saliva in this castle), who must insist that I'm doing this to get a boyfriend.

They don't know me at all.

Double Potions this morning; a very unsatisfactory way to begin the school year. I caught a peek of Snape's very repulsive bright pink jumper under his robes when he bent over to look at my potion. No wonder the man has never had a romantic life, if he wears clothes like that.

Self-confidence is slipping into oblivion as my hormones are screaming "reproduce!" and everything else is screaming "no!" Must find Malfoy to feel better.

**4th September** Thursday

_Chocolate Units: 0 (am dying), Assignments Due: 0, Assignments Turned In: 0, Time spent straightening hair: 15 m (v.g), Malfoy Seductions: 2 (oops)_

7:36am

Filch was rather shirty yesterday and gave me detention for tracking soil on the floor from herbology. V. put off, as Head Girls are not supposed to be sent to detention.

Knuckles still sore.

8:02am

Found a black Nuntius book in my rucksack after breakfast, and found written inside "To the girl with the invisible robe skirt and the big hair, from that one bloke." It was an older book, the cover a bit worn, but I couldn't help but wonder who it was from. At first, I thought it might be Ginny's old journal, the one she used to communicate with Voldemort, might be coming back to haunt me, bt I'm certain that the person on the other end of this book is a bit stupider than can be believed. I still couldn't help but wonder who it had been. I certainly hadn't slipped it into my own bag. I'll keep it in there and see what I can do with it later.

8:10pm

Potions assignment incredibly boring (anything that has to do with a cure for constipation is not very pleasant reading material. Though I doubt that it was Snape's choice, he did not look particularly happy when assigning it), and was having a hard time concentrating with all the babble of the Gryffindor commons. Took out Nuntius book and a quill and scribbled a sentence on the first page, which was completely blank:

_I'm wondering why that one bloke is noticing that my skirt is invisible_.

No answer. The last bits of hope had been beat out of me with a little black book. I shoved it back in my rucksack and forgot about it.

Okay, so I lie.

After I finished Potions (priorities, after all), I brought it back and stared at it for about a century. Suddenly, when I was about to doze off, untidy handwriting, slightly familiar, sprawled itself across the page where my message had previously been.

_So, it is invisible? I was starting to wonder if it was suffering from an illness and confined to the hospital wing._

Stared at it for a while, trying not to smile. Never know who's watching.

_Maybe I must report this to Dumbledore. He would be very concerned over anonymous sexual harassment using a magical book._

The reply was almost immediate.

_Perhaps this _is_ Dumbledore?_

Horrified. I must learn from Ginny, or, I suppose, Ginny's mother, who said very wisely, "Never trust an object if you can't see where it keeps its brain", or something of the sort. Though I suppose that could very well apply to Ron.

**5th September** Friday

_Chocolate Units: 15 (repulsive), Assignments Due: 2, Assignments Turned In: 3, Malfoy Seductions: 0 (v.g.)_

2:15pm

Damn Ron. Found matching Nuntius book when I went ruffling through his rucksack for extra pot of ink. He remembered and tried to stop me, but only after I had found it.

Very upset.

But also slightly curious.

11:23pm

Wrote message before going to bed:

_The skirt of my robes may be in hospital permanently, or until rare cure for illness arrives._

No reply.

Oh, Merlin. What did I do now?

**6th September **Saturday

_Chocolate Units: 5 (okay), Assignments Due: 0, Assignments Turned In: 2 (the world does not cease on a Saturday), Attempts at Love Potion: 4 (appalling), Malfoy Seductions: 1 (acceptable)_

7:06am

It turns out that Ron was in detention with McGonagall when I wrote to him. Opened book this morning to find new message.

_This may seem ill mannered, but I wish the robe skirt a long and tedious stay in the hospital wing. I do not wish to see it soon._

5:07pm

Ron approached me after lunch to ask me on a date. Very, very happy. Of course, had to play a little hard to get. Too much homework tonight, start of term party in Great Hall tomorrow. I told him I'd think about it and walked away.

8:40pm

I feel very desirably frigid, even if Ron is neglecting the Nuntius book.

8:57pm

New message from Ron:

_I ate a biscuit that you gave to Harry. I'm thinking of going to the hospital wing to keep your robes company. Feeling very ill._

Perhaps he was joking?

9:07pm

Harry just informed me that Ron has gone to the hospital wing because he wasn't feeling well.

Probably just a coincidence.

9:42pm

Ah, bugger it.


	2. Stood Up

**A/N: For those who were wondering, Nuntius is a Latin word for Messenger. Think of the Nuntius book as kind of the wizarding world's answer to AIM.**

I've added the days of the week to make it less confusing for, mostly, me.

Disclaimer: I don't really own anything in this story. I am completely unoriginal.

**7th September** Sunday

_Chocolate Units: 27 (damn party), Assignments Due: 3, Assignments Turned In: 3, Malfoy Seductions: 7 (again, damn party)_

11:42pm

I've pinpointed the source of my Malfoy habit. I think I'm emotionally insecure, so I have to depend on my successfulness in making Draco squirm for boosting my self-esteem. At least, that's what Ginny said after I managed to get him away from my boots.

I feel sorry for him, really. It's obvious he was deprived of love as a child.

Especially with a father like Lucius. The Purebloods are in denial, I think. The in-breeding must heighten the chance of having a disfunctional family. I sometimes wish that he had a sibling or two, just to see if they would beat up on each other like the Weasleys do. But not at all friendly-like; spiteful, mean, and incredibly fun to watch. It would be priceless to walk down the hall and see clumps of white-blond hair littering the floor.

The party was fun, as far as parties go, though I accidentally dropped my wand in the punchbowl (I don't see why sleeve holders are preferred to pockets once a witch or wizard is of age, they're really very inconvenient when it comes to grabbing things) and resulted in a punch explosion through out the whole of the Great Hall. Fortunately, Dumbledore was able to clean things up with a flick of a wand. But there were still quite a few people that were angry with me.

For some odd reason, Snape managed to make an appearance. I thought he would have shut himself in his dungeon to work on some important potion, but no…appeared out of nowhere in his usual dark and brooding manner. At least there was no brightly coloured jumper this time.

I hadn't seen Ron for most of the night, I believed he was still ill and stationed in the infirmary. The cookies shouldn't have made him sick…

Maybe I hadn't cooked them long enough? There _were_ raw…

Oh well, it doesn't matter. Snape just stood in the middle of the hall with a glass of incredibly dark wine, staring at the wall. I positioned myself by the punch bowl, trying to look disinterested yet completely available (not to Snape, of course). Harry was off somewhere unknown, and since Ginny had disappeared completely I could only guess that they were together.

Ugh.

A strong, warm hand on my arm caught me by surprise, and I heard a voice in my ear.

"Nice explosion, Hermione."

Ha! He _was_ there!

"Hullo, Ron," I replied, twisting around to face him. He looked perfectly normal, recovered, and quite amused.

"Let's get out of here."

I nodded and he took my arm, leading me out of the hall and into the entrance.

We stood there for a while in silence, while I unknowingly cut off the circulation to his hand with my grasp.

"Herm…do you want to…"

"Hmm?" I looked up at him with half-closed eyelids, pretending I was sexy but instead probably looking a dying fish.

"Ah…dammit." Ron let go of my arm and backed a bit away toward the hallway. "I forgot, I have detention with Filch."

My heart dropped into my stomach, but I somehow managed to croak out, "You, too, eh? I thought Head Boys and Girls weren't supposed to get detention."

"I thought so, too…I'm sorry, 'Mione. I'll see you later."

He waved to me and started to walk down the hall. But a few second later he ran back to me and dipped me (how completely old fashioned) and kissed me (this part not at all considered old fashioned…).

Ron swore loudly. "Five minutes late. 'Bye."

11:57pm

I suddenly feel very fat, unattractive, and nervous. Maybe he was just making it up?

11:59pm

Yes, I have no doubt he was making it up. The detention was very convenient.

Damn Ron.

**8th September** Monday

_Chocolate Units: 2 (v.g., but I fail to see the point), Assignments Due: 2, Assignments Turned In: 3, Malfoy Seductions: None (self-esteem plunging), Negative Thoughts: 114, Positive Thoughts: 0_

6:38pm

I have apparently convinced myself to keep this weekend free for no apparent reason other than to study for final exams eight months in advance. Ron has neither written nor owled (yes, a bit of trouble to do that, but it would have shown that he cares), and I missed him both at breakfast and lunch. In the few classes we had together were too busy for me to get a hold of his attention.

What is wrong with me? Am I really that repulsive? Why? Why?

Does the snogging mean nothing?

8:00pm

Suspicions about the mysterious disappearance of Harry and Ginny the previous night proved true. This includes, but is not limited to, the disappearance of pantyhose, thorns, and innocent bystanders.

At least one of us is happy.

Well…two of us, I suppose.

8:03pm

Bloody hell, why can't it be me?

**10th September** Wednesday

_Chocolate Units: 8 (in self-loathing), Assignments Due: 1, Assignments Turned In: 1, Malfoy Seductions: 1 _

8:22am

Recruited Harry to talk to Ron. I am thinking this was not a very good idea, as boy is still on a shag high from Ginny. Am afraid of what Ron may do to him if he finds out.

6:03pm

Turns out my fears were displaced, for as soon as Harry started talking to Ron about anything that could eventually lead to snogging (and in turn, shagging), he turned beet red and ran away. I guess bragging gets more difficult once it involves your best friend's little sister.

**11th September** Thursday

_Chocolate Units: 3, Assignments: lost track (v. bad), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (superb)_

5:15am

Urhg, Iam gueoing bak to sleepe chien.

6:46am

What on earth was that? I don't even remember waking up.

7:08am

Casually (frantically) opened Nuntius book in Gryffindor commons to see new message from Ron.

_Thanks_.

Somehow, that doesn't sound good. Men...boys that are attracted to you do not say "thanks". It just…doesn't work. It's like saying thanks to someone who ate your hand.

I somehow managed to summon up the courage to write back.

_Please shut up. Head Girls are too busy and important to deal with the likes of Head Boys._

I turned my head to see that Ron was sitting by the fireplace, carefully shrouded by a group of fourth years, enveloped in the matching black book with a quill in his hand.

_Sorry. Head Boys don't know that kind of pressure. _

P.S. Your boobs look great in those PJs

Pervert.

5:33pm

Ha! I have managed to successfully keep my icy Head Girl composure while securing a date in Hogsmeade this Saturday morning for breakfast. And the way he asked...stupid but endearing.

He sauntered up to me while I was huddled in my corner, trying hard to concentrate on my Astronomy charts.

"Hermione." His voice cracked. I tried hard not to laugh. "I don't suppose you're busy on Saturday or anything. It's not like you have anything better to do than study, and if you want to study on Saturday night, I reckon we could go out to breakfast instead..."

Is it just me, or is Saturday morning an odd time for a first date? It's all off, like Sunday night or Wednesday at 3pm.

September 13th Saturday 

_Negative Thoughts: about a billion, lost count of everything else_

8:00am

Oh Merlin, oh Merlin. I have a date with Ron in two hours and my hair resembles Mrs Norris on an off-day. The glowing nail polish I had on has faded and is flashing advertisements to buy another bottle. Unfortunately, I am out and cannot apply another coat. Maybe I can just make it seem as if mini flashing nail adverts are all the rage in Paris.

I cannot imagine going through adolescence as a Muggle. I was fortunate enough to learn some useful spells once I started getting my stupid period, and to keep the hair on my legs away. But without magic I'd be having cramps, my hair would probably be about the size of Asia and less willing to behave, I'd have to shave my legs every day and I would completely overestimate the power of a tampon. I don't know how Mum does it. No wonder Muggle girls have such little confidence.

And I have come to a conclusion: I need to stop being so vain. I think that I've been around Lavender and Parvati too much. Intelligence doesn't matter to them...

I'm trying to remember if I used to be happier when I didn't truly care about my appearances.

But I don't remember. This is truly sad.

9:30am

I cannot believe it. I was on my way to my en-suite bathroom (ah, the perks of being Head Girl), when I saw a new message in my open Nuntius book from Ron.

"Sorry, Hermione, I'm going to have to pass on breakfast. I got tons of homework to do this weekend, and a presentation in Divination on Monday."

Smart boy, to pick a class that I wasn't in. That was unlike him.

But bugger Ron, anyway. I am stood up. Entire morning wasted. I do not feel like going to Hogsmeade anymore, and seeing all the happy couples having happy times. I do not need man. Man is futile without woman, but woman is unstoppable without man.

11:05am

Damn him.

11:10am

Still, he is Head Boy. And besides those responsibilities, he's taking a surprisingly large amount of classes for his little brain. Maybe he just didn't want to ruin first date with Hermione-type panic. School work's always first priority, anyway.

3:29pm

He could have at least written again. He is probably out with someone with less hair.

6:00pm

Wasted day wallowing in self pity while doing Potions homework. I hate Ronald Weasley. I do not need him. So what if he's my best friend. I am going to slick down my hair.

§

A/N: I would like to thank the following people: 

Rosekeet: Thank you for being my first reviewer AND reviewing my other stories! I thought I should probaby explain the Nuntius book. I'll be sure to drop you an occasional e-mail :).

Cat: Thank you :). I try.

Stitch1: Thank you very much! I wish I was brilliant enough to be completely original though.

Diana: Thanks! I hope this chapter has a bit more action for you, and I'll be sure to include a lot more action in the future. (**Who wants to see a fight scene between Ron and Snape, no wands, a la the movie?**)

aPPle-FrrEAk: Thanks! And yes, Bridget Jones's Diary is definately worth reading and watching. I haven't read the sequel yet, but the movie sequel should come out next year. I heart Colin Firth :).

the soul cage: Thank you! I know, it seems like making Hermione OOC is the only way to make it entertaining. I'm trying to keep a bit of her in there, though.

RonAndHermy: I hope this story is less confusing for you now. Get a hold of me if still is, and I need to make any changes.

Thank you all!

The next chapter will probably be up quickly, but will be sporadic and short, just as a warning.


	3. Forget It

**September 14th** Sunday

_Chocolate Units 8 (better), Malfoy seductions none (v.g., even though I have failed to find him lately) Positive Thoughts in the negative_

10:30am

For some odd reason, Ron is thoroughly engrossed in a book about maple leaves and their various uses in Divinity in the commons, which I find rather odd. Maybe it _was_ a genuine excuse.

12:30pm

Ron just left for lunch. I should probably go soon, but I am somewhat reluctant. Has not written to me or anything. Somewhat depressed. I'm going to bolt down some food and head back to commons.

10:10pm

Managed to have dinner alone with Harry before Ron could make it to the Hall. Instead of caring about _my_ needs, he just continued to rant on about Ginny. I moaned about Ron for a while, who throughout the day only managed to give me one of his eyebrow lifts. Harry just told me to be patient, but I don't think he should be talking. He's the one that can't keep his drawers on.

**September 24th** Wednesday

Ha! After ten days of acting all smart and alluring (not as thought that is difficult, of course), Ron came up to me during Potions and asked me for a date at Hogsmeade this Saturday afternoon.

The ten house points docked by Snape were definitely worth it.

**September 27th** Saturday

_Chocolate Units 12 (couldn't help it, candy shop), Malfoy Seductions 0 (incredible, self-esteem through the roof)_

At least he didn't pull out this time.

After a bit of shopping (with a little too much time spent in the Candy shop), Ron and I went to the Three Broomsticks for some dinner and a bit of Butterbeer.

Okay, a lot of Butterbeer.

We were back in Gryffindor tower early, the students not allowed in Hogsmeade all at dinner except for those who were asleep on their homework, drooling in front of the fireplace.

"Um…right. I'll go to bed now," I said awkwardly, making my way toward my staircase. I was about to turn away when he kissed me again, seeming a little desperate, and I was surprised that chunks of his red hair didn't come off in my hand.

The next second we were in his suite, falling upon each other like intense magical creatures. Creatures that would probably make Hagrid a bit uncomfortable.

"I don't know, Hermione, I think these robes are looking a little sick. They should lie down."

He started to undo the buttons on my robes. "Just some fun, okay?"

"You know," I blurted, exploding out of his grasp and to the door, fastening the buttons with fumbling hands. "This is just a bunch of crap. Yes…we'll see, Ron. Bye."

The face he made was brilliant. I've never seen him such a shade of red, so dark it rivaled his hair.

But bugger it all, anyway. Back in my dorms, I'm starting to regret things. I just hope I won't die stupid and alone, fed to Hagrid's blast-ended skrewts while Ginny and Harry continue with their shag-a-licious lives.

I hate the confusion of singleness.

I am so bloody lonely.

* * *

My thanks to: Loah, Black Tear, aPPle-FrrEAk (Hermione, though she may not say it out loud, has low self-esteem when it comes to her body. Doesn't every girl at one point feel fat :)?), Rosekeet, Stitch1 (about three :)), and the soul cage (now we'll just have to see, won't we?)... 


	4. Contemplations

**~October 1st~** Wednesday

_Chocolate Units: 3 (entirety of breakfast), Assignments Due: 1 Assignments turned In: 1, Malfoy Seductions: 2_

9:51am

Harry managed to give me an unsympathetic roll of his eyes as I told him of my predicament. I had been trying all day to burn terms of self-esteem into my brain. But the burning didn't work, instead engraining a picture of Ron wearing a bright orange jumper and flailing about with a garland of daisies on his head.

"If I know Ron," Harry said loudly at the breakfast table. I had to throw a piece of toast at him to get him to quiet down. "Which I do, since he's my best mate and everything, he'll be begging for it in no time." He couldn't help but fend off a blanch as he muttered an unsatisfied "ew". 

3:08pm

Spent lunch period in tea with Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore. The headmaster seemed unsettled, a bit irritated and flustered, while Professor McGonagall barely said a word, which is quite unusual for her. 

"She has developed a bit of a crush on Lucius Malfoy, Miss Granger," Dumbledore explained after McGonagall had left, his eyes still twinkling over an obvious frown. "I'm afraid she's going a bit mad. Toffee?"

11:45pm

Oh, Merlin. I ended up spending dinner with Harry and Ginny, Lavender and Seamus, Pavarti and Dean, and Neville and his fifth-year girlfriend. I felt ready to suffocate. I think they've been spending so much time in their coupled-off packs that they don't know how to talk to single people anymore.

"So," Lavender asked, passing me a pitcher of apple cider. "How's the love life?"

I could feel my face redden. Why did she have to say _that_?

"Yes, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" Chipped in Pavarti, tying the words together with an attempt at mock concern.

"Once you get to a certain age," Ginny offered. "All the decent blokes are already taken. Isn't that right, Hermione?"

I shot her a glance that told her that she wasn't exactly being helpful, but I don't think she noticed.

Decent blokes, my arse. At least I don't have a boyfriend who can belch the ABCs in French, like _someone_ I know.

I won't mention who.

11:52pm

*CoughLavenderCough*

**~October 5th~** Saturday

Ron is certainly ignoring me. Quidditch may be a good excuse for him, but not for me. 

McGonagall is turning up late for transfiguration class now. Why do I have a feeling that I'll soon be a student of a broken house?

**~October 6th~** Sunday

_Chocolate Units: 5 (eh), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (superb)_

3:07pm

I actually exchanged a few words with Ron today, though nothing completely spectacular. I have somehow managed to still maintain my icy exterior, even when my brain is screaming, "Shag me!" My classes must be a bit too easy this year, having too much time to think of other things.

9:05pm

Was working on history of magic homework when Nuntius book accidentally fell open (after a careful nudging of my foot and gentle kicks to get it to the right page). Was surprised to find a message from Ron.

_Sour witch._

I glanced over at him through the commons, my ears burning with anger, to see that he was looking at me, grinning. He was flirting. Ha! But this is no time to give up iciness. I am winning. Will not write back.

9:07pm

Well, I don't want to be rude.

9:09pm

And this homework is incredibly boring. Maybe I'll just write a few words, nothing very friendly. Casual. Maybe buddy-buddy. He _is_ one of my best friends, after all. 

11:00pm

Ron and I wrote to each other for the rest of the night. But there is no way he's going to get what he wants. Stupid Weasley.

Went searching for McGonagall to ask about word in tomorrow's class, but she was nowhere to be seen. V. odd. 

**~October 10th~** Thursday

McGonagall is continuing to disappear at inconvenient moments, like when Neville accidentally turns his school robes into paperclips. One time she was even an hour late to class. I'm a bit worried.

Spent an hour looking for her yesterday afternoon, and when I finally found her she was looking frazzled and ran into her office.

Every time I mention something about it to Dumbledore, he just gives me a toffee and wanders away. I'm starting to wonder if senility is a trait that every Gryffindor must face in his or her lifetime.

And what's with the toffees? I thought curiosity _killed_ the cat, not made it morbidly obese.

~~~~~~~~

Quick question, everyone. Should this story be rated R (I mean as in it's actual rating, not heat up its content)? I'm kinda wondering. I don't really think so, but just one comment made me wonder. Anyway...

Thank you to:

Anime Kitten1 (is it?), Tabii (nope, I unfortunately haven't read the second, though I plan to), paz-54 (I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!), jelly bean21 (here ya go), Ooooo (haha, I have self-esteem issues myself. For the other stuff, we'll have to see...), whsefgdnjfkghdjrklgb (urm....ya...), Black Tear (thank you for all your wonderful reviews!), jade (yay! I have a fan :)), and Lady Matsu.

Nah...not much of a Draco person myself, thought Tom Felton is yummy in a little-younger-than-me sort of way. But Snape all the way. We'll see.

Remember, this will eventually be a Snape fic. Remember? And to everyone else, please review!


	5. No More Toffee, for the love of Merlin!

**~October 22nd~** Tuesday

_Chocolate Units: 0 (saving up for Halloween), Assignments Due: 1, Assignments turned In: 3, Malfoy Seductions: 1_

4:07pm

I've spent so much time concerning myself with Professor McGonagall this month that I have failed to even glance at Ron and have gained three pounds on toffee alone. I didn't have a clue what this had done for me until I noticed that Ron was basically my new shadow. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still keeping my iciness, just melting…a bit. 

A few snog sessions never hurt anyone. 

7:09pm

Ron popped out after I left the broom closet and asked me to join him for a picnic dinner in the gardens tomorrow night. Actual romance! Yesssss!

Nope, nothing's gonna happen.

**~October 23rd~** Wednesday

_Chocolate: 0 (I seem to have found a replacement), Assignments Due: can't remember, Malfoy Seductions: 0, Self-esteem: Higher than ever_

3:06pm

I am wandering about in a sort of drunkenness. The only way I can describe it is "lovely", though I'm kinda half-wondering what the hell I'm talking about. At least I'm no longer inexperienced Hermione. 

Hmmm...

But what now? I can't help but think I've made a mistake. Ron hasn't made any motions to make us a permanent couple or anything. Am slightly worried. I feel like I've just taken the OWLs and must wait 5 years for my marks.

And considering his family history...

Crap.

8:49pm

For Merlin's sake, why hasn't he stopped by?

**~October 24th~** Thursday

Awake, alone. Ugh. Trying to keep my thoughts off of Ron is proving quite difficult, and the only thing that can distract me is the image of McGonagall making out with Draco's father. Which I promptly want to curse myself for. These are the times when I envy Professor Lockheart. He probably doesn't have many things to worry about in the Mental ward. I'm starting to wonder if it's time for the whole of Hogwarts to pay him a permanent visit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry this chapter was so short, but I promise the next one WILL be worth it. Former scout's sister's honour! 

Thanks to: jelly bean21, Loah, Black Tear, and Guitar Gurl for reviewing! 

And, again, for those who haven't, please review!

**~Wonk~**


	6. Serious CrapWittage

A/N: Argh, something was going to happen in this chapter but the timing was all wrong. So sorry, the true excitement will have to wait for a few more updates.

**~October 31st~** Thursday

Halloween proved to be quite boring this year. I'm continuing to think about Ron nonstop, who has gone back to his state of unconsciousness in which neither I or anyone else exists, while I moon about in a sort of…shag-high funk, I guess I could call it in very lewd terms. But I don't know. I'm so confused. 

**~November 7th~** Thursday

Of course, I've been thinking about Ron and hardly seeing him at all, not even looking at him when he walks by. Of course, it's incredibly hard and everything…argh…there's the confusion again…

I have no clue what's going on. McGonagall has all but disappeared off the face of the earth. Dumbledore is carrying around pockets bulging with chocolate toffees, and Ginny and Harry are attached at the hip and keep vanishing in long intervals. 

This is making me sick.

**~November 11th~** Monday

For some odd reason, I keep seeing flyers everywhere that say "Happy Birthday, Wonk" and flash pictures of a peculiar looking girl with short hair and a pencil behind her ear. I'm beginning to think this is either a work of evil or of shameless self-promotion. 

**~November 12th~** Tuesday

_Chocolate: 3 (better), Assignments Due:2, Assignments turned In: 2, Malfoy Seductions: 0 (incredible)_

I have found the secret to men. I never thought this was possible, even with the magic available to our kind, but I have. Attraction does not happen through food, flirting, or shagging, but ignoring. 

Ron came up to me after charms today and took my hand (hmm…), and said quietly, "Hey, 'Mione."

I looked up at him, probably quite a bit surprised. "Wha…?"

"What's up?" he asked, not letting go of my hand. Harry's advice kept running through my head (I went soft…gave in before…he should have begged for it…he's going to beg for it…augh…). "Why have you been so…distant lately?"

Fortunately, just as I reached my peak of self-confusion, a first year girl ran by, closely chased by a boy of the same grade holding a toad that was sprouting mushrooms. The girl was crying, and the boy seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly. 

Ron sighed. "Go ahead. I'll see to this."

Sometimes I wish that Ron would chase me with mutant animals, just so I could scream and cry and not act at all like a cool, composed, icy head girl.

Which I am.

**~November 19th~** Tuesday

_Chocolate: 9 (disgusting), Assignments Due:1, Assignments turned In: 1, Malfoy Seductions: 2, Negative Thoughts: 1,246, Minutes spent counting negative thoughts: 96 (horrible) _

I thought my ice-queeness was working marvelously, only for it to be crushed greatly this afternoon when Ron approached me in the hall.

"Hey, Hermione." He leaned against the wall as I crossed my arms under my chest, waiting patiently. "I asked Dumbledore if he would let the Head Girls and Boys go on a mini-break next weekend in Hogsmeade. He gave it the go-ahead. What do you say?"

"Oohhh…" I gaped at him, a little surprised. Ron was being unusually bold lately, the freckled-face Weasley was usually quite shy and stubborn when it came to anything with asking a favor. "Wait. Is Draco going?"

He smiled. "Of course not."

No accidental seductions. Even better.

"Then yes, please."

He grinned and kissed me. I felt a little thrill as a forth year passed, eyeing us maliciously. 

Of course, serious crap-wittage came into play when he sat down next to me at lunch and immediately said, "I'm sorry, Hermione. I can't do it next weekend. I completely forgot that I have blah blah blah…"

I can't really remember what happened after that, except me shoving a biscuit at him and stomping up to my room, eyeing the door evilly and waiting to curse anyone who would dare walk through.

Argh, men.

**~November 24th~** Sunday

Harry said he would be supportive of me all the way, since he agrees with the theory of Ron being a total and utter crapwit. But this doesn't take into effect, truly, since he is still, 1. speaking to Ron, and is 2. speaking to Ron. Oh, and speaking to Ron.

Two new resolutions to add to list:

**I will**

Stop being taken by serious crapwittage.

**I will not**

Talk to, sleep with, or pay any notice of Ronald Weasley.

Now let's just see how this works out.

~~~~~~~~~~

Odd, seems I'm updating on a daily basis. But please, don't come to expect this all the time.

Thanks to: aPPle-FrEAk, Loah, the soul cage, TheCatsMilk, crazyone17 (I completely agree), and Black Tear. Good, faithful reviewers!

And...please review!


	7. Meltdown

A/N: Ahhh...here's the good stuff. I think. 

**~December 2nd~** Monday

2:00pm

Oh fun, holiday cheer. With Christmas season approaching, chocolate is everywhere. So is mistletoe. It's enough during the regular year to see couples together everywhere, but to see them snogging all over the place can really take an effect on a person's stomach.

Bugger.

4:00pm

McGonagall showed up a half-hour late for transfiguration with a kind of large purple growth sprouting on her neck.

Deeply disturbed.

**~December 4th~** Wednesday

Found interesting 17th century book in library, titled "Inner Poise for Witches". V. odd, as didn't think that eastern religions had any pull on witch literature. I'm not much into the whole philosophy anyway, though it is slightly interesting. 

This has some things about self-control and confidence…this could work. Though I'm not completely into the yoga thing. I will forgo that. Last time I tried to do it, I got into such a state of mental brain-deadness that my wand went off sporadically and set my spandex shorts on fire. 

No, yoga is completely out of the question.

**~December 7th~** Saturday

_Chocolate: 13 (v. bad), Assignments Due:0, Assignments turned In: 0, Malfoy Seductions: 4_

8:02pm

Attended pre-holiday party in great hall. Dumbledore seems to enjoy these parties, with the approaching eternal darkness and all. 

For some reason I cannot understand, I found myself in front of Snape and Madam Hooch, who was latched onto his arm most unattractively. I wonder what he paid her to attend the party with him. 

As I said, I didn't know why I was there. Or Snape either, for that matter.

"Chemists' contributions to the area of Potions? Absolutely ridiculous." I hiccupped, waving my glass of champagne at them with unusual boldness. "The Muggle and Wizard ingested ingredients should be completely separated. Who knows the effects…"

"Miss Granger," Madam Hooch began to inquire. "What on earth are you talking about?" 

"I completely understand," Snape said with a fine arched brow, and I blanch to admit that with that expression he actually looked somewhat attractive. "A chemist, Madam," he explained to the Quidditch coach. "Is similar to an apothecary, or as the American Muggles call them, pharmacists." 

"I see," she replied blandly, hawk eyes boring into me. "Though I don't know what that has to do with the Hippogriff controversy in Brazil."

She never did like me.

I was heading for the door, hiding my red face behind my hair, when a hand landed on my shoulder and I whipped around. Ron was standing there, smiling.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I…"

He held out his hand, where a piece of brown inner peace rested. "Chocolate?"

"Erm…no," I replied stiffly. "I'm practicing inner poise." I refused to mention that I had already consumed 13 units of chocolate today. 

"Mmhmm…" he looked a bit confused, his freckled nose wrinkled in a very cute sort of way. "Inner poise?"

"It's mostly…a Muggle thing."

"Oh." He scratched behind his ear. "My dad would probably like it."

I nodded slowly. "…maybe." 

Awkward silence.

"You were here? I didn't even see you." I broke in, taking a wild stab at limited conversation. 

"Yeah. I saw you, though. Why on earth were you talking to Snape?" 

I didn't really know what to say. "Um…I don't know." 

He sneered back at him. "Greasy git."

"Yeah," I quietly agreed. More silence followed. 

"My room?"

"No."

"Come on, Hermione."

"No."

"All right, see you tomorrow then."

He gave me a kind of look that made me want to melt.

But ice queen still lives. 

Inner poise, as some Muggles would say, rocks my world. Never mind the oxymoron. 

**~December 15th~** Sunday

Harry is acting v. odd. In a somewhat defensive way, he asked me during breakfast: "Are you in love with Ron?"

"What?" I asked.

He was being all huffy and jealous, I don't know why. It's not like he was interested in me. He had Ginny. I think it just has something to do with your best friend falling in love that throws him off of his natural course of Ginny pursuing.

"No," I replied, quite frankly.

"Liar." He punctuated his response by shoving a piece of fried toast into his mouth. 

Hmph.

**~December 17th~** Tuesday

10:00pm

It's at times like these when I sort of kind of regret boys being allowed access to the Head Girl's Room.

Ron knocked on my door and said, "Hermione, we need to talk."

"Go away," I said. 

I do not love him. 

No. I do not. 

"Hermione, let me in." 

"No." 

"Can I at least use your loo?" 

Argh. 

Midnight

I have reached a series of conclusions of my current status. I am either: 

1. Stupid 

or 

2. Pregnant. 

Or all of the above. 

**~December 18th~** Wednesday

2:00am

"Hermione, are you all right?" Ron asked from my bed as I slumped over the toilet, groaning. In a chuckle that was very not like him, he added, "Losing your inner poise?"

I gave him a throaty moan in reply from my porcelien haven.

"Hermione, are you really all right?"

"Yes," I managed to croak.

"Good, if you're sure." He sounded concerned. At least I had that to bank on. "I want you to go the burrow with me for Christmas Holiday. Ron and Ginny are coming."

How would Mrs. Weasley react to having a grandchild?

I don't even want to think about it.

Yay, pregnant holiday. Wouldn't Mum be proud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you found this chappie interesting!

Thanks to: aPPle-FrrEAk, Black Tear, paz-54, and Andieemail for your nice and helpful reviews! I'm working on the character thing, to make them a little more like the books, in case you can't already tell. But like someone said earlier, OOCness sometimes makes it more fun! 


	8. Mother to be?

A/N: I hope this chapter clears up any confusion you may have.

**~December 20th~** Friday

Malfoy Seductions: 0, Assignments Due: 0, Assignments Turned In: 0, Chocolate Units: 37 (I _am_ possibly eating for two, after all)

3:06pm I'm starting to wonder how I could possibly be so stupid. I know we got carried away and all, but I refused to face the truth that something bad could happen. I seriously think I am pregnant, with my being late and the whole sick thing and all. Over indulged in chocolate to make myself feel better, but I don't think that quite did the trick.

Ron is being very sweet, though of course I haven't told him yet. I'm resting in a sort of euphoria with my head on his shoulder and his arm around my waist as we travel back via Hogwarts Express to the Burrow. I don't know when I'm going to tell him.

Even resting in Ron's arms with Draco eyeing us evilly (how quaint), I can't keep my mind from fluttering around the thoughts of baby clothes and toys. Never mind how it's going to ruin my future, if not his. That centaur baby jumper I saw at the Wizzy Gap last week was absolutely adorable.

5:02pm

"Hermione, I want to apologize," Ron said mildly as night began to fall outside the train windows. I could hear Draco snoring from the other side of the compartment. Ron's voice rumbled in his chest, and I gave a contended sigh.

"For what?"

"For being a stupid git. I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to spend time with you so much this year. But you know what it's like, having so many jobs to do…and stuff…"

"Yeah…" I quietly replied. "I know."

"Well, I'm glad you get to come home for Christmas with me."

"Yeah…" I said again.

Hmm….

**~December 23rd**

1:00am

Period still late, still possibly pregnant.

1:05am

Nope, hasn't started.

1:20am

Snuck down into the family room to take a quick ruffle through the bookcase. Was v. distracted with the finding of "Potions for Common Household Uses". My curiosity was piqued with a sudden discovery of the words "Pregnancy Test".

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a cauldron from under the sink, quickly and quietly poured the called-for ingredients into it, and gave it a stir with my wand. It immediately turned an emerald green colour.

I'm taking the cauldron upstairs, and leaving the book because I don't really need instructions on how to pee into a pewter basin. 

1:25am 

… 

Crap.

1:35pm

Roused Ginny from sleep. She was very grumpy, whimpering about a nice dream about Harry as I dragged her into the bathroom.

"What is it, Hermione?" she groaned, rubbing one hand across her eyes and pulling her nightgown down with the other one. "It smells in here."

"Ginny, sit down." I instructed her. She put the toilet seat down and leaned back against the water tank, looking at me with a very annoyed expression.

"You woke me up at 1:30 in the morning to tell me to sit on the toilet?"

"No," I said sternly, shoving the cauldron at her. 

She made a face. "So that's what smelled gross. And again…you woke me up at 1:30 in the morning to tell me to sit on a toilet and grimace at a new potion?"

Argh, Weasleys.

"No," I said, choking a bit. "I woke up at 1:30 in the morning to tell you that I am pregnant." 

"WHAT?" 

I tried to hush her as she stared at the cauldron and started to yell frantically in words that I could not understand.

"You…" she breathed. Slowing down so I could comprehend. "Who…" 

I squinted at her, a pained expression reaching across my face. "Uh…Ron." 

"_You slept with my BROTHER?_"

"We were in the garden…it was a beautiful night…he was so sweet…we just got a bit carried away." I stammered, knowing that I was doing nothing to appease her.

"You slept with my brother." She pulled a grotesque face. "That is so _gross_." 

"Yes, yes, I know," I replied impatiently. "But what am I going to do? Help me, Ginny!" 

"Ugh…" She tried to regain her composure (a hard thing for a red-head to do) and peered at the potion, holding her nose. "Wait, Hermione…"

"What?"

"The potion's blue."

I huffed angrily, annoyed. "That's my point."

"If you're pregnant, it turns red."

"Are you sure?"

"Hermione, I live in the Weasley household."

"I don't know…"

"Where's the book?"

"On the kitchen counter."

"Okay." She ran downstairs in a loud manner that made me extremely jumpy and returned a few seconds later with the book in her hands. She shoved it into mine and pointed at a spot on the page.

"'Supposed to be red. I told you."

Argh. I hate it when people are right.

"Now that we know that you're _not_ pregnant with my…ugh…brother's baby, let's go back to sleep."

"Fine." I got rid of the evidence and went back to Ginny's room with her. I flopped down on the cot and breathed a sigh of relief. 

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Ginny said, "Hermione?"

"What?"

"Hands off Ron, okay? That's just a bit repulsive."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My thanks to: Jade (sorry, forgot -_-, it's back), Loah, DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (oooh...it's headed in many directions), Rory3 (It's in there, in chapter...5 I think, I just didn't want to make it too detailed. Now, looking back, I should have at least blatantly said she slept with him. I dunno, Maybe Hermione was just too shy to write it down. I hope this chapter cleared it up for you), Black Tear (hehe, pergnant? Interesting spelling ;)), zealousgirl (times 5), the soul cage (my birthday's on November 11th, hence the date of the diary entry, hope you guys are taking notes, hehe), and aPPle-FrrEAk (oooh...Snape's easing in. He's not a very sudden guy, after all).

Wow...so many reviews in the past two days. Thanks all.

~Wonk


	9. Leopard Print?

**~December 24th~** Tuesday

_Chocolate Units: 23 (better), Holiday Cheer Units Given: 7 (good), Shaggings: 2_

11:49pm

Okay, so Ginny doesn't need to know. 

11:50pm

Ron has managed to sneak me into his room, though I was a little reluctant as we are sharing a house with both his parents and his twin brothers. Not to mention that the violent orange color of his walls makes me a bit sick.

At least he's becoming something that sort of resembles a boyfriend. Though I think other teenagers might be less sexually active than us. Oh well, we're both adults now. I took precautions this time; I'm not going to go through the whole telling Ginny thing again. Ron and I can make our own decisions. Even if I do have to stare at a figurine of my ex-boyfriend, Viktor Crum, walking across his bedside table as Ron drifts off to sleep pressed up against my back.

11:53pm

Threw figurine across the room. Couldn't stand it staring at me any longer. 

**~December 25th~** Wednesday

_Chocolate Units: 30 (Will get back on track once Holidays are over), Gifts given: 12, Gifts Received: 17 (slightly embarrassed)_

Gift giving was rather pleasant, actually. Mrs. Weasley was beaming when she opened my box of home knitted scarves (I think she's glad my skills have improved). Much, better, I thought than the book I had considered getting her: "So, You're Going to be a Grandmother." 

Yes, probably, much better.

Was incredibly shocked to open Fred and George's gift, which consisted of some very tiny, leapord-print lingerie. I squeaked and shut the box, only to register questions from the people surrounding me.

"What is it, Hermione?" Harry asked, peering over my shoulder at the closed box.

"Fi-fireworks." I lied. "I'm afraid if I open them again, they'll go off."

Everyone muttered an "oh" in unison and turned back to opening their own gifts, while Fred and George winked at me mischievously with that "I know what you did last night" look. Mrs. Weasley looked over at the twins in a way that could easily have been scolding, murmuring "Fireworks, boys? Really."

Ron was looking at me, a puzzled expression on his face. I just mouthed "later" and went back to opening my next gift.

The Weasley family is really starting to disturb me.

My gift from Ron was a box of Chocolate Frogs wearing tiny Santa hats, accompanied by a letter that said "Much love from your boyfriend, Ron".

So, at least I have a boyfriend now. 

Even if his brothers _are_ pervs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My thanks to: 

Loah, crazyone17 (I vote for padded room), Black Tear (nope, not yet ;)...kidding!), DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (Really, Weasleys everywhere), Shannon (Ah! I know you're real name! ah!), jade (Hermione, the genius she is, still tends to overreact. A lot), zealousgirl (they should market those in the Muggle world, would probably be cheaper than a little white stick).

Insanity seems to be the theme of the day, huh?

It's kinda sad that this is my most popular fanfic to date.

Oh well, please review!


	10. Hah! Boyfriend

**~January 3rd~** Saturday

_Chocolate Units: 0 (sudden post-holiday withdrawal has left me feeling shaky and underfed), Malfoy Seductions: 0, Boyfriends: 1 (ha!)_

Immediately upon setting foot back inside of Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall bounded upon me in a fashion unfitting for a transfiguration teacher. 

"Hermione," she said in a calm voice, very unlike her actions. "Draco is really a nice boy." 

I stared at her like she was some mad thing that had gone mad. "What?"

"Say pardon, Hermione."

"Pardon, whatever." My eyes were suddenly attracted to the purple protuberance on her neck, which seemed to have grown. I attempted to push my breakfast back down into my stomach.

"I think you should date Draco. He seems to have a shining for you." 

"Professor," I said, slowly stepping backward. "I think you really must talk to Dumbledore. And besides, I have a boyfriend now."

"You do?"

"Yes." I didn't let her reply, but instead ran up to my room and slammed the door. 

Is it just me, or is someone plotting my doom?

**~January 4th~** Sunday

_Chocolate Units: 4 (acceptable, am no longer shaking), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (this boyfriend thing must be working), Number of Searches for Long-Term Commitment Potion: 5 (0/5 successful)_ 5:54pm

Have spent the whole of the day looking through mini-break brochures for Hogsmeade, as I am determined to force Ron to take me on one of these weekends. If Dumbledore said yes once, he will certainly say yes again.

Unless he's on a mission to annoy me.

Which is also very possible.

Must get back to homework. Must concentrate.

6:17pm

Hm…I wonder how many children Ron wants?

6:19pm

As long as they're given birth to after the age of twenty-two.

6:21pm

And not now.

6:25pm

Oh, screw homework. It's too hard to concentrate when I have images running through my mind of Ron and I relaxing by a pool drinking non-alcoholic margaritas, holding hands. 

And wearing matching shirts. 

6:35pm

I'm thinking Ron might be afraid of mini-breaks, as if they were the N.E.W.T's or something. It's not that big of a commitment, it's not like I'm going to trap him into marriage or anything. 

At least, not yet.

6:40pm

This chair is very cozy. I think I'll just take a nap for about ten minutes and wake up, refreshed and ready to work.

11:30pm

Oh, bloody hell.

**~January 7th~** Wednesday

Heard a worrisome comment from Pansy Parkinson during potions, when she casually mentioned premature aging while staring directly at me. 

Am slightly worried. Not like I don't already have enough to worry about already. Thinking that time turner in third year might have had very bad effects.

**~January 8th~** Thursday

_Chocolate Units: 2 (much better), Assignments Due: 2, Assignments Turned in: 5, Draco Seductions: 0, Fine Lines: 2 (ack!)_

7:00am

Got into my makeup stores, will attempt to make myself over. I never wear it usually, it _should_ make me look a _bit_ younger. 

3:05pm

First thing Harry said this morning when I walked down the Gryffindor commons was "You look like a tart."

"Thank you, Harry," I replied. "You look like a fattening pastry, too."

"No, that's not what I meant." Harry sighed. "You look like you're working the red light district."

I stared at him for a little while, until his meaning could sink in. "…oh."

I ran back upstairs and washed the makeup off. Took me about an half hour, but it came off. 

Eventually.

**~January 15th~** Thursday

Finally broke under pressure. Was lying in Ron's bed, staring at the box of leopard-print underwear that I had left, sealed and waiting (forever, I hope) on his desk. 

"Ron, I want to go on a mini-break."

"What?"

I almost had the urge to tell him to say 'pardon', but held it in.

"Why? _Why_ can't we go on a mini-break?"

He looked at me from the corner of his eye, smoothing his red hair down over his forehead.

"Uh…who said we can't?"

"But I thought…"

"Hermione?"

"What?" The stupid voice kept nagging at me. _Pardon, pardon!_

"Is something bothering you?"

"No…no. I just…want to go on a mini-break, that's all."

"All right." He leaned into me, giving a little sigh. "I don't know why you want to…but we can. I'll ask Dumbledore, you make the plans."

Ha! Control!

Now just need to figure out something he'll like.

And maybe something that won't clash with his hair.

Um…I hope he's paying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Urgh...more Snape parts coming soon, I hope. I think I'm getting carried away with myself.

My great thanks to jade, Loah, Samantha, aPPle-FrrEAk, and nightcrawler7082 for your wonderful reviews and suggestions! I consider them all, believe me. 

I want to update Fairy Tale Trash soon...but I seem to have writer's block for that story. I'll try!


	11. Huh, Boyfriend

**January 22nd** Thursday 

Ron has been avoiding me so he doesn't have to listen to me pester him about his opinions on hotels. We're leaving tomorrow, but every time I manage to catch up to him, he just pats me on the shoulder in a very fatherly away and says, "Everything is up to you." 

I wish he had said that earlier. So maybe I'd be picking out china patterns instead of room colours. 

**January 23rd** Friday 

_Chocolate Units: 14 (inn food fabulous), Times asked Ron if he was enjoying himself: 7 (all right), Number of Actual Responses: 1 (better)_

3:45pm 

The romantic moment of Ron and I sweeping into the room with a bitter breeze was cut short with the appearance of Snape in the threshold of the inn. 

"Huh?" I grunted, staring at him. 

Ron put his arm around my shoulder protectively, while Snape managed to say, in his very smooth, grating, Snape-ish way, "On holiday, I presume?" 

"Erm…mini-break, yes." I replied, eyeing Ron to keep him quiet. His face was turning a very deep red. 

"I see." He stepped back from the doorway and allowed us to enter from the snowy realm of the outdoors. "I was just going to go for a walk. I suppose you wouldn't want to join me?" 

"Erm…you suppose right," Ron retorted in his very shy and slow manner. He probably meant to sound assertive, but was failing miserably. 

"Sorry, Professor," I added quickly, seeing my Potions grade flash before my eyes. 

But he didn't sneer; he just nodded to us and walked out the door. "I will see you later, then. Good day, Mr Weasley and Miss Granger." 

"Uh…yeah." 

5:00pm 

Why is Snape here? 

6:03pm 

I asked Ron this question, and he said it might have been because Dumbledore wanted to keep an eye on us. 

"But why did it have to be Snape?" Ron groaned, smothering his head into my lap. "Out of all the professors, why Snape? It could have been McGonagall for all I care!" 

"No…no," I protested in a whimper. "Snape is much better than McGonagall. At the moment, anyway. Trust me." 

I don't think he knows. Well, I won't ruin our break by explaining it to him. 

7:09pm 

Inn is very romantic and everything, but we've been here for only a few hours and I now find it profusely boring. 

Find myself half-hoping that Snape would reappear just to shake things up a bit. 

9:03pm 

Wish was answered. Ron and I went down to the dining room for dinner and Snape decided to join us. I tried to hide my amused smirk as Ron flushed, tongue sticking as he didn't know what on earth to say. 

"Good evening," Snape said smoothly, shaking a napkin with nimble fingers and placing it across his lap. "I hope you find yourselves well." 

Ron just returned to room early. I'm not going to be rude, I'll wait until dessert is served. 

10:07pm 

Stayed in dining room long past when dessert was served, speaking to Snape about the use of fur of newly discovered mammals in potions. He's really a very interesting man, not at all as greasy and grumpy as he usually seems. 

Ron was very angry on my arrival back at the room. Finally gave in and tramped around in leopard-print knickers, but they didn't have quite enough of the charm that Fred and George had promised to get Ron back into a good mood. 

Ugh, McGonagall is probably getting more than me. 

…ew… 

**January 25th** Sunday 

_Chocolate Units:17, Times Fallen into Lake: 2, Shaggings: 0_

Efforts on mini-break have somewhat proved fruitless. Ron is milling about in a perky gloom, only to brighten up with a mention of going home. 

Or when I accidentally tipped my canoe over in the lake, seconds away from getting eaten alive by carnivorous aqua creatures. 

_Then_ he laughed. 

Somehow, I don't think this is normal. Even for males. 

Perhaps he is cheating on me? 

Eh, probably.

* * *

My great, great thanks to: the soul cage (mini-break, which you've probably figured out, is sort of British for a weekend getaway. Sounds good to me), zealousgirl (Ooh...you'll be seeing a LOT of Snape now ;)), aPPle-FrrEAk, jade, ckat44, crazyone17 (she's trying!), Loah, nightcrawler7082, and someone whose review who hasn't showed up yet! And ESPECIALLY those of you (many of you) who have added me to your favorite authors list! 

You guys rock!


	12. Happy Valentines Day

**~February 1st~** Sunday

_Chocolate Units: 18 (in paranoia), Negative Thoughts: 197, Number of Days Until Valentine's Day: 13_

6:05pm

I honestly think Ron's cheating on me. I don't see him nearly as much, and he barely talks to me anymore. 

No, no, it's paranoia. I'm just stressed out.

6:07pm

Ack, forgot my Transfiguration assignment in Ron's room.

6:09pm

Really.

9:07pm

Ron's room is suspiciously clean and smelling woman-free. Must investigate this further. 

**~February 12th~** Thursday

_Chocolate Units: 12 (Very abundant in beginning of horrid holiday), Number of Days Until Valentine's Day: 2, Number of Valentines Received: 1 (from Neville)_

Have managed to make some sort of Valentine's Day date with Ron for Saturday night, and he's actually being rather enthusiastic about it. 

"Midnight rendezvous in the astronomy tower with romantic candlelit dinner. What do you think?" he asked me in the corridor between Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. 

"Sounds…wonderful," I replied, trying to keep the disbelief out of my voice. 

Hmm… 

**~February 14th~** Saturday

Chocolate Units: 27 (justified), Valentines Sent: 0 (Not in Holiday Mood), Valentines Received: 2 (One from Harry, One meant for Ginny and sent to me in a fluke) 

8:24pm

Ron has stood me up. Again! At dinnertime, when I was eating light in preparation, he just casually said, in front of everyone "Can't make it tonight. Homework. Sorry Hermione." 

I drowned my sorrows by downing most of the contents of the table. Too horrified to count the calories.

8:26pm

Also incredibly suspicious.

11:23pm

I stopped by Ron's room earlier tonight to inquire whether he needed any help with his homework. 

His voice was muffled by the heavy door, which he refused to open.

"I don't think so, but thanks any way, 'Mione."

"Ron, come on. It's Valentine's Day. Let your girlfriend in."

There was a bit of shuffling, and the door finally let in a few inches, an eye and a shock of red hair visible. He looked like he was checking to see if I had brought anyone with me.

"All right."

It swung open and allowed me entrance. Ron stepped back and asked, "What's up?"

"Nothing really," I coolly replied, glancing around the room with a suspicious eye. The bed was unmade, as usual, a thick layer of clothes was spread evenly across the floor, as usual, and his hair was a mess, as usual. His hand rested heavily on my shoulder, and I leaned steadily into him. "I'm just a little stressed out."

"Me too," he replied honestly, rubbing my shoulder in that very annoying fatherly way. "Too much homework to do."

That sparked even more interest. Though the room was in its typical disarray, I didn't see a hint of homework anywhere.

I looked around frantically at the doorways, looking for any possible place where a girl could be hidden. There was the closet, which was open revealing its contents (which didn't include anything female), and the closed one of the bathroom.

"Let me use your loo for a second," I said quickly, exploding out of his grasp and rushing toward the bathroom door. 

"Wait…Hermione, no!"

The door was locked. I pulled out my wand and yelled "_Alohomora!_" 

"No!" 

Sitting on the rim of the bathtub was a thin, shapely blonde buttoning up her shirt. She looked up at me as I burst in and gave a sort of smug smile. 

"Hello," she said with a syrupy American accent. 

"Erm…" Ron broke into the room, wearing a very fake smile and face a bright shade of bright red. "Hermione…meet the new exchange student, Mary Sue."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hahahahahaha...

Thanks to: Andieemail, Loah, Cheez-It (yurp, we're getting there), nightcrawler7082, DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel, tomzgurl77 (again, yes, we're getting there), Black Tear (nice perception :)), and jade! And on a different, more mean note...

No thanks to: the Evil B*tch. Hahaha...I thought bad reviews would upset me, but I find this one rather amusing. I'm glad to see you were too chicken to sign your username. I don't even think you actually read the story. Didn't I say no flames?

So, what do you say my loyal fans? Should I delete the review or leave it for people to laugh at?


	13. Trying to Get Over It

**~March 1st~** Tuesday

_Chocolate Units: 24, Alcohol Units: 1, Assignments Due: 1, Assignments Turned In: 0 (falling apart)_

4:56pm

I have spent the past few weeks sauntering around the school with my nose in the air and my shoulders slanted back, though in reality I'm no where near being quite that confident. 

I have been upstaged by an American exchange student named Mary Sue.

I really should have seen this coming.

6:04pm

Not only was Ron a complete jerk, he has continued to be one by not talking to me or writing…or _anything_. Harry said he would support me in this all the way, though I don't see how that matters much as all the times that he usually spoke to Ron are now being used for Snogging Sessions with Ginny. 

6:05pm

I want to curse him so badly, but I can't bring my heart to do it.

I don't know what to do…

**~March 3rd~** Thursday

Cannot bear though of Ron with someone else. Keep having visions of him with his new American girlfriend, going to American baseball games and eating American hot dogs. They don't even have _Aero Bars_, which, though Muggle, have to be the best chocolate bars in the world.

What's so much better about American girls? Really?

**~March 4th~** Friday

_Chocolate Units: 37 (better than yesterday), Assignments Due: 2, Assignments Turned In: 3, Draco Seductions: 7 (self-confidence gone, not sure it will come back)_

7:30am

I must suggest to Professor Flitwick that we have a relapse into Cheering Charms. 

6:00pm

Snape really isn't making this any easier for me. I was staying after Potions Class because I was late finishing my potion and still had to clean up.

"I suggest," Snape's baritone voice said from over my shoulder. Hurumph. "That you rid yourself of stupid distractions if you plan on receiving the top marks in the class, Miss Granger. Don't let a Weasley fool get in your way."

Argh. 

"_I_ suggest," I retorted, forcing as much bitter sarcasm as I could into my words. "That you cram it and leave me to finish my work, Professor Ego."

No, not really.

I actually said: "Yes, Professor," and continued to clean up.

I really must work on standing up for myself.

Stupid Prat.

**~March 9th~** Wednesday

I have decided to take up a new hobby to keep my mind off Ron.

I wonder if owl post can deliver Muggle paint-by-number kits?

**~March 14th~** Monday

I suppose not. Owled Mum to request she send me one, but the owl came back looking well groomed and a bit agitated, with a ribbon bow tied around his neck. The note I untied from his foot read, "Sorry, love. They don't sell them in the DIY store anymore. If I see anything, I'll send it to you. Love, Mum."

What's the point of using them to get my mind off Ron if I can't get them _now_? 

Maybe I should re-establish S.P.E.W. At least it's something to do, even if it does annoy everyone. 

Even better that it does, I think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to: DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (I think I will leave it), nightcrawler7082 (don't worry, she'll get over it, eventually, otherwise I may have to kill her ;)), Loah (evil...? all right), frankie (carrying!), the soul cage (Ron's always been a bit...egocentric. It's just grown a bit...I guess...lol), jade (I would kill Ron...but I like him too much in real life), and Stella By Starlight (hopefully not much longer!)

As for the SS\HG thing, I'm trying to sort of ease into it, just so it's not like all of a sudden "I think I'm in love with Snape."

Even though that could be kind of entertaining.

Hmm...


	14. The Art that is Seduction

**~March 20th~** Sunday

I have no clue why I was chosen by Fate to run into Draco Malfoy on curfew patrol, but I did. 

"Granger," he said with his usual sneer. "Filthy mudblood. I'm glad to see you're looking rather haggish tonight."

My hand started to lift my robe a bit. _Just_ a bit. I couldn't help it.

"Yes, Malfoy," I replied. "I don't see how it is possible for me stand in your presence in all my ugliness when you are looking so incredibly sexy."

Argh! Shut up! _Shut up!_

He faltered a minute, then started to rush toward me, his arms flinging open. I could have sworn that I heard music somewhere and a voice singing "_so happy together…_" 

I allowed him a quick snog then kicked him. Hard.

He ran off like a little girl.

I really got to stop doing this.

How embarrassing.

**~March 24th~** Thursday

_Lost count..._

It's happened. McGonagall is completely gone. She failed to show up for transfiguration today, and she hasn't been at any meal in the Great Hall for the past week.

Dumbledore called me into his office and pushed a sack of toffees across the desk at me. I'm probably going to end up like one of those people that when they see or smell a certain food, they'll get sick or depressed because it reminds them of a bad memory. Except for me and toffees, it won't be so much getting sick and depressed as it will screaming and beating people with large sticks.

"Miss Granger…" Dumbledore said to the toffees, smiling sadly. "I wanted you to be the first to see this…"

He handed me a piece of photo paper that was splattered with a landscape that looked like the Caribbean. In it were two people, Professor McGonagall wearing a tartan bathing suit and Lucius Malfoy, his platinum blonde hair gleaming in the sun. Malfoy had his arm around McGonagall's shoulder, the Dark Mark displayed clearly on his pale skin. He looked incredibly out of place, like a werewolf in a silverware store. Or Goyle in a bookshop.

Or Umbridge in the Clothing Shop for Those With Good Taste.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Anyway…

This year is floundering about like some stinking fish. Some fish that needs to be shot.

Like Ron. 

Or at least wounded badly.

**~March 28th~** Monday

_Chocolate Units: 4 (excellent), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (saint-like), Attempts at Ron Voodoo Doll: 2, Times Harry Had to Tell Me They Didn't Actually Work Before Giving Up: 5_

I must inform Snape that I have pinpointed his purpose in life: to drive me mad. He's also doing quite a good job of it. 

He spent most of Double Potions hovering around my seat, critiquing my every move. 

"Miss Granger, unless you plan on giving everyone in this classroom a severe case of the runs, I suggest you chop a bit off of that mulberry leaf."

Or

"Miss Granger, sit down and stop waving your hand in the air. You look like you're ready for lift off."

Or, my personal favorite:

"Miss Granger, the N.E.W.T judges are looking for a warming potion, not a Wizard Substitute for Viagra."

Sometimes it surprises me that he knows so much about Muggles.

And sometimes it just plain scares me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to: jade (I'm brainstorming about what to do to Ron right now), nightcrawler7082 (she will! She will!), Romm (thanks :), I love getting fresh blood in reviews), Black Tear (well, the school year has to end sometime...oh merlin, what if it didn't? Ahhhhh!!!!!!!), Loah (I heart Snape, too), jamesismysweetheart (ooh! another new reviewer! Thanks!), and the soul cage (Professor Ego, yum).

For the rest, please review!


	15. What About NEWTs?

**~April 4th~** Monday

_Chocolate Units: 12, Assignments Due: 3, Assignments Turned In: 7 (two extra credit), Malfoy Seductions: 2_

6:00pm

Preparation for N.E.W.Ts is completely stressing me out. They're only two months away, and everyone is just wandering around like they have _forever_. 

Only to make things worse, the staff is throwing yet _another_ party to ease the fears of students as the end of all that is good approaches (aka, Harry's final battle with Voldemort. He is being, actually, incredibly calm). 

Well, ease all the fears of the students fourth year and up. It's on the first of May. Sounds kind of like a ball. Could be fun.

But what about N.E.W.Ts?

6:15pm

What am I saying?!? It wouldn't be fun! I no longer have a boyfriend! My ex is having an extravagant affair with a brainless American bimbo! Named Mary Sue! 

And I keep using exclamation points!

I think I'm going to go cry now.

Or eat more chocolate.

**~April 9th~** Saturday

Was surprised to run into Ginny somewhere other than the broom closet or Harry's dorm, but I actually saw her in the library checking out a _book_. At least, I thought, until I saw that the cover was "_Teen Witch Weekly, Archives 1786-1804_".

"Ginny," I sighed, glaring at the leather-bound volume. "…why?"

"The Ruby Party is coming up," she said, blushing a bit. "Come on Hermione, the old styles are back in. I want to look presentable. You _are_ coming, aren't you?"

I hesitated. "I-I don't know. N.E.W.Ts are coming up and…"

"Shut up, Hermione," she said, the Weasley spark coming into her eyes. "Just…shut up. I know my brother's a jerk. But you know what? Snape's been irritable lately. Maybe you can cheer him up. Go and keep him company."

I stared at her. "I don't want to keep Snape company."

Now she was just teasing me. "Oh, but Hermione, he's _terribly_ clever, you two have the same minds, I swear."

"Ginny. Shut. Up."

She just walked away, laughing.

Harry must have done something to her. Really.

Loon. 

**~April 15th~** Friday

3:00pm

Apparently, it is all around school that I'm going to the party and I'm going dateless. Lavender and Pavarti keep trying to corner me in the halls with some single guy or another, usually resulting in a romantic miscommunication where I end up jammed in a stall in the girl's loos with my foot stuck in the toilets. 

Finally managed to ward them off by telling them that I have a new boyfriend, a hot young thing that is more than eager to accompany me.

Must go find him now.

6:00pm

In a moment of startling desperation, I managed to smoothly ask Colin Creevy if he would take me to the Ruby party. 

Great, so now I have a date that's about two years old.

Even if he is a 6th year.

At least I kept part of my claim.

~~~~~~~~~~~

My great, great thanks to: Loah (ya...I probably would, too), jade (I'm so happy to hear I'm not losing my touch...I thought I already had), nightcrawler7082 (very much so), Dani (me forcing you to read things will help you prepare for the future you know, you're being spoiled at HEP :P), crazyone17 (hehe...funny about how my 100th review is about grease. Congratulations!), jamesismysweetheart (I'm doing it again! :D), DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (it's all right! You still reviewed, didn't you?).

I must now go spend some Crushing on Snape time. Thanks, you guys! And please review!


	16. Nightmare!

A/N: I'd like to begin first by thanking aPPle-FrrEAk, who was the inspiration for the end of this chapter. Hehehe...

**~April 18th~** Monday

_I honestly don't care anymore_

5:45pm

As the Ruby party quickly approaches, I spend most of my time in the library with my nose stuck in a book. Since Ron is always with that American blond and Harry is either preparing for the Last Battle or snogging Ginny, I knew that I would be left alone. 

I'm having trouble understanding this potion; it seems these two substances would have a rather dangerous reaction with each other, but it says it is to be used as an antidote to house-elf poisoning. I must go consult with Snape.

I just hope he won't bring up Viagra again. 

9:30pm 

There is honestly no pleasing him. I stayed in the dungeons for almost three hours, freezing my arse off, just because he had to have the potion perfect. Of course, _I_ saw nothing wrong with it. I think he was just pursuing his goal of making me go mad before N.E.W.Ts, if it hasn't happened all ready.

"Really," I huffed, warming my hands a safe distance from the fire under my cauldron. "It's the right colour, the right texture…I see nothing unusual about it. Professor, please tell me _exactly_ what you're looking for."

"If I told you, then that would completely ruin the element of surprise, Miss Granger." Snape said matter-of-factly. "If you would like to prove that I am incorrect, I suggest you retrieve a chalice from my desk and have a refresher."

He was testing me. I would not lose confidence. I did as he suggested and ladled some of the shimmering silver liquid into the cup, glancing at him as I lifted it to my lips. I felt the steam…or smoke, pushing against my skin and stinging my eyes.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Miss Granger!" He reached over and batted the chalice out of my hand with amazing speed and agility. The cup clattered to the ground, the liquid splattering across the floor, where it started to fizz and pop angrily. "It's supposed to be more of Draco's hair colour," he said quickly. "Not silvery black."

Within five seconds, the formerly grimy stone steps shone like silver.

"I would never forgive myself if that had become of your insides," he said, eyeing the discarded chalice maliciously. 

Part of me wanted to smart mouth and say "What, cleaned out all the chocolate and loathing of Ron out of my system?", but I was too shaken to say anything at all.

"Just…go." He fluttered his hand at me and I began to leave. "And don't come back until you get it right."

Argh, then I _do_ have to come back sometime, otherwise no passing the N.E.W.Ts for me…

Wait…did he just diss Draco?

Hahahaha!

**~April 25th~** Monday

_Chocolate Units: 5 (beautiful), Pizza Units: 3 (too close to bedtime), Malfoy Seductions: 0 (perfection), Days Until Date with Two-Year-Old to Ruby Party: 6 (too soon)_

Had horrifying dream in which I was back in dungeon, working on the same potion, which was still the same flesh-eating silver colour. 

"If I told you…" Professor Snape began as he had a week ago, then paused. Everything seemed to go silent. The fire stopped snapping, the cauldron's boiling was muted, and I couldn't hear my own heartbeat. 

I felt his hand on my shoulder, his long, nimble, surprisingly strong fingers caressing my robe, and turned around to look into the deep pools of his black eyes. His brows were arched in that attractive way, and he suddenly smiled.

This sent a jolt through me, the image being completely foreign.

He leaned closer, and then _giggled_. When he spoke, he sounded absolutely ridiculous. 

"I think yur pwetty."

I woke up screaming, grasping at the sheets.

What in Merlin's Beard is wrong with me? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My thanks to: Black Tear (sorry I missed you last time, you reviewed right after I updated), Loah (not able to laugh? That's awful! You have my best wishes), Romm (yes, fresh blood is good :D), DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (hehehe...you have no idea...), aPPle-FrrEAk (see top), Andieemail (I'm leavin' it!), and someone who's review hasn't shown up, because fanfiction is being slow today because of the hardware upgrade.

Hehe...I think this has to be my favorite chapter so far.

So what do you think? Please click that little button and tell me!


	17. Ruby Party and Garden Walk

**~April 29th~** Friday 

10:30am

The Ruby party is in two days, and Colin is practically my new shadow. He waits for outside my classroom door so he can hold my hand as he escorts me to my next class. I really wouldn't mind so much if his fingers weren't always sticky with caramel apple.

Um…I hope it was caramel apple.

Noon

I couldn't help myself. Ron was busy writing a note to his new girlfriend in charms, so I took it upon myself to make sure that he was paying attention.

Like everyone always said, small portable fires are a specialty of mine.

I don't think he caught on that it was me. But his underwear is now nicely singed, as well as one part of his body he probably won't be using for a while.

Hahahaha…

**~May 1st~** Sunday

_Chocolate Units: 14 (I got to stop going to those parties), Alcohol Units: 3 (I'm still sobre, come on), Number of House Elves I Made Cry: 1 (I'm sorry, Winky)_

I knew it was going to be bad when Colin showed up at my door with his camera. Ten minutes into the party, he was off on his own little adventure taking millions of pictures of Harry and Ginny on the dance floor.

"_Bugger off, Colin_!" I heard Harry say exasperatedly as I made my way out the door. Was just in time to run into something redheaded and stupid, accompanied by Mary-Fake the human sludge.

"Hermione," Ron said curtly, sniffing and reminding me of Percy. 

"Oh, shove it, Ron."

I managed to put a nice hex on Mary-Blah as I was leaving. She and everyone within a 10 metre radius should get a hefty surprise when she lifts her arm.

I met a smirking Professor Snape as I reached the stairs in the entrance.

"Miss Granger," he said in a stiff greeting. Things seemed to be getting better lately, I was slightly surprised. I was expecting him to either ignore me or say "Hey, you," then walk off. I completely pushed the thought out of my mind of him approaching me and saying "I think yur pwetty". 

That would have been disturbing.

"H-hullo, Professor."

Awkward and nervous silence followed, in which I had to keep myself from saying stupid like "How's the potions going?" or "Can I eat your cloak?"

"I'm not much for parties anymore," he explained. "False sense of security."

I nodded in agreement. It was the next thing he said that really shocked me.

"Would you like to walk in the garden with me?"

Not thinking clearly, I obliged.

Our conversation went pretty well (ack! Was I actually starting to enjoy his company?), until Snape asked the fatal question.

"Mr Creevy dumped you for another girl?"

I stepped out in front of him, arms crossed defensively. 

"For a camera, not a girl, thank you," I snapped, glaring. "Good night, Professor." 

With that, I walked back up to my room.

Greasy git.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to: Black Tear (I try to make it sound as un-american as possible...being in England helped me a bit, but I still slip every once in a while -_-), nightcrawler7082 ( took a bit of your advice :)), the soul cage, hp, lotr, potc, lover, jamesismysweetheart, Romm (sir?), and jade. 

Please review! 


	18. Denial? What Denial?

  
**May 12th** Thursday 

_Chocolate Units 5, Assignments Due 2, Assignments Turned in 7, Mafloy Seductions 3 (better), Days until N.E.W.T.s 19_

Ginny's not being very nice.

"'Morning, Hermione," she said, with a smirk, the following morning as I walked sluggishly into the commons room.

"'Morning…" I hesitated, noticing the cocky smile. "What?"

"Hermione…sit down," she commanded. She sounded like she was on the verge of laughter. It was rather early, a bit _too_ early, and the commons room was practically deserted except for a first year scrambling to finish his homework by the window.

I collapsed in the armchair, glaring at her. Caught a glimpse of her neck, which she tried to hide. Hickies seem to be a contagious disease lately.

Leaning close, she whispered, "You like Snape, don't you?"

"He's a good teacher, and very intelligent…so yes, I suppose I respect him."

"No, Hermione. That's not what I meant." She leaned closer, whispering. "I mean…do you _like_ him?"

Oooh….

Bugger!

"N-no!" I objected, shooting out of my chair. The boy from the window gave me anodd look. I almost told him to shove it when Ginny interrupted me.

"You DO!"

I sneered at her, hoping my face wasn't turning red. I was confused.

Wait, I shouldn't have been confused.

I _didn't_ like him!

"Ew!" I exclaimed. "He's a teacher!"

Ginny leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms across her chest. "So? Never stopped you before."

I almost asked her what she was talking about…but then I remembered. Lockhart. Ugh…I never thought that would come back to haunt me.

I frowned. "Snape's a git."

"Again, never stopped you before."

"Shut up, Ginny!"

"It's the truth."

She got up and left.

Oh, Merlin, she knows.

Wait…she knows what? I do_not_ like Snape!

**May 17th** Tuesday

_Chocolate Units 1 (v.g.), Draco Seductions 1 (better), Nervous Breakdowns (almost) 1_

Horrible,horrible news.

Dumbledore called a meeting in the staff room for faculty, Head boys and girls, and prefects. Of course, Professor McGonagall wasn't there. If Ron was, I didn't notice.

Snape sat across from me, glancing at me with all meaning I could fathom.

I hope he didn't see me turn really, really red.

I _do not_ like him.

But anyway, I haven't seen Dumbledore thisdrawn since Sirius died.

"I have some bad news…"

Everyone looked at McGonagall's vacant chair expectantly, immediately understanding what this bad news must concern.

"Lucius Malfoy is holding Professor McGonagall captive, and he will kill her before she ever returns to Hogwarts."

Everyone gasped in unison.

"Oh," Dumbledore added. "And now Miss Granger may seduce Draco Malfoy on a daily basis without shame, because of his father's doings."

Okay, no, he didn't say that. Though it would have been quite brilliant.

**May 19th** Thursday

7:50pm

Snape stopped me in the hall on the way to Charms.

"Her…Miss Granger, I will be leaving this afternoon."

I blinked at him. "…all right."

Good Merlin, he was sexy.

"I do not know if I will be back in time for N.E.W.Ts." No! "But I shall try. I wish you well. Goodbye, Miss Granger."

I watched as he descended the stairs back to his dungeons.

Argh…

8:03pm

Damn. I do like him

Not telling Ginny.

* * *

My thanks to: ckat44, Black Tear (I have no clue why I wrote that...I didn't even think about it at the time, I just...did. I still honestly think I don't understand my own writing), the soul cage (oh, they will), Loah, cj (another new reviewer! yay!), jade, aPPle-FrrEAk (x2), jamesismysweetheart, and nightcrawler7082 (Yup, that's Colin).

Please review!


	19. NEWTs

**May 22nd** Sunday

7:30am

He's obviously gone.

Will not admit the ownership of Gaping Wound of Loneliness.

Noon

For the first time since the Mary-Sue-In-Loo incident, Ron's actually talked to me like a friend.

Actually, Mary Suewas shippedback to America. Good riddance, I say.

But now he wants me back as a girlfriend.

Hah. I'd rather snog Draco than ever do that again.

2:30pm

Found Draco for a quick snog. But no, the Ron thing is still quite unappealing.

4:00pm

No. Snape's still not back

**May 28th** Sunday

_Chocolate Units 13 (in denial and distress), Days Until N.E.W.T.s begin 4, Dreams about Snape 7, Nice Dreams about Snape 7, Dreams in which Snape uses the word "pwetty" 0 (thank goodness)_

Still not back

**June 1st** Thursday

3:00pm

Stayed up late last night studying for Charms and Muggle Studies N.E.W.T.s, and I think it paid off quite well. I can confidently say I now have two under my belt.

Erm…hopefully.

6:00pm

HE'S BACK!

7:10pm

And he's brought McGonagall with him. Well, I suppose we'll be able to have a decent Transfiguration lesson for once, at least.

7:20pm

He is incredibly sexy when he defeats Death Eaters.

All right, so Lucius is in Azkaban for using the Imperio curse on McGonagall (thank goodness, I would have killed her if this crush business was of her own will). Snape is back in my line of vision and acting incredibly humble about the whole situation.

I wonder if he would mind if I spontaneously appeared in his room with a sign around my neck that said, "I am yours?"

Hm…it's a thought.

I hope he won't distract me from my N.E.W.T.s.

Oh yes, and Harry has disappeared.

**June 3rd** Saturday

Harry is back! And the Dark Lord is finally dead! There is much jubilee right now, but fortunately Dumbledore is not letting it get in the way of our testing. I am now very happy, as no one was hurt in the defeating of Voldemort. It's nice to know we're all free now.

Well, I think. I believe I might have missed out on a lot in the past few days, what with Snape's return and all.

Forgot to help Harry.

All right, that resolution never happened.

**June 5th** Sunday

Must go to bed early tonight so I am well rested for Potions N.E.W.T.s tomorrow morning.

**June 6th** Monday

2:00am

Still up. Must reach perfection. Will go to bed in an hour. Will get up early and go to Snape's class at 7:00am to receive last-minute help.

Noon

DAMN IT! Must get to Potions now!

3:00pm

Great. Just wonderful. My future is ruined. Snape wouldn't let me retake them! My future is flushed down the girl's loo. I'll end up like one of those tarty hags by the Shrieking Shack, wearing a paisley shawl and fake teeth. Or like one of those old ladies on the telly that throw cats at people.

10:00pm

Amazed. Absolutely amazed. It was after dinner (I barely ate anything), and I was on my bed feeling sorry for myself when I heard a knock at the door.

"Go away," I muttered, sniffling.

"Dobby begs Miss Granger's pardon, but Dobby would like to speak to Miss Granger. Please let Dobby in."

Having no clue what he wanted -- I hardly ever saw the House Elf -- I allowed him in.

"Professor Snape would like to see Miss Granger, Madam," he said, bowing so low his nose touched the floor. "In Professor's classroom right away, Miss Granger."

He bowed again and left.

I decided to go. The worst thing that he could do was kill me. It would have at least saved me from becoming a tarty hag.

The warm glow of the candles, stationed by a cauldron and a rack of potion ingredients on a desk, surprised me as I walked into Snape's classroom. Written on the board was a long list of instructions. Three ancient-looking, rather tiredwizards with pieces of parchment sat at a table at the front of the classroom. Snape stood by his desk, statuesque, as his cloaks swirled around him like a wind.

I couldn't help it. The first thing that popped into my mind was "wow, he's rather fit."

"I thought you weren't going to let me…"

He gave a half smile, which I had once thought sinister but now seemed like one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

"How would I be able to live with myself," he whispered so the hard-of-hearing judges couldn't hear him, smirking. "If word got around that Professor Snape was going soft?"

I'll never let anyone call him a greasy git again.

I'm so glad he's back.

Not to mention I am also very happy that he has returned seemingly unharmed. And with his privates intact, hopefully.

I really hope no one ever reads this.

* * *

My thanks to: the soul cage, jamesismysweetheart, HerDarkMaterials1, Black Tear, Loah, and nightcrawler7082 for reviewing. 


	20. 50 Points to Gryffindor, Miss Granger

  
**June 14th** Tuesday 

2:00pm

Our last week at Hogwarts has gone by in a sad swirl. Classes are over now and I'm left with a profound sense of boredom.The leaving feast is tonight and I honestly don't want to go, not to mention that Ron is still parading around and sulking because he can't leave with a girlfriend. Poor bloke. What a devestating situation.

Or not.

But I believe that we're friends again. So I suppose everything is all right.

My final conclusion of the year is that I must have some affinity for Slytherin males. That has to be the only answer. Why else would I always seduce Draco…or like Snape? It's the hormones, that's all it is.

Oh Merlin, who am I trying to fool?

8:00pm

Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin.

After the ceremony and the end of term feast was over, I was slowly heading back up to my room with Ron and Harry to begin to pack my things. That's when I heard The Voice.

"Miss Granger."

Harry and Ron spun around, startled and angry for their most hated teacher's intrusion on our last night at Hogwarts.

I turned around more slowly, immediately noticing that Snape was only about a foot away from me. Very close. I could feel my face getting hot and the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.

"Hello, Professor."

Snape eyed Harry and Ron murderously while they stared back. "I believe I asked for Miss Granger, Mr Weasley and Mr Potter, not yourselves. I trust that you are allowed to return to your dormitories now."

"We're not leaving Hermione, _Snape_," Ron replied, sneering. I saw Snape flinch at the deliberate exclusion of his title.

"You are no longer students of mine," he said coolly. I could tell he was inwardly smirking. "So if you are threatening me, I judge I have the perfect right to hex you into the next century. So to speak."

The two looked at me, eyebrows lowered.

I sighed. "You two…just leave."

They obeyed, and quickly.

Yes, power.

"So…Miss Granger…" Snape said after they left, scratching his neck and suddenly seeming nervous. He _never_ seemed nervous. It was rather endearing. The anxiety suddenly seemed to disappear as his hand dropped to his side and he said immediately, "I need you to confirm some of the questions on your N.E.W.T for me. Otherwise I am not able to grade it."

Which, of course, was complete and utter bollocks as he isn't even the ones _grading_ the tests, but it sounded good enough for me.

The door closed with a soft click as I followed him into his dungeon classroom. Suddenly, dozens of candles flared to life, the flames a rainbow of different muted colours. Snape turned back toward me, his cape twirling quite sexily.

I couldn't help it. It just popped out. "Professor, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to seduce me."

When he spoke, it sounded like he was going to laugh.

"Is it working?"

Yes! _Yes Yes Yes_!

I replied seriously, "As long as you don't say 'I think yur pwetty.'"

He stared at me, obviously puzzled.

"I mean…" Blush starting to creep up again. "You already did a long time ago."

Suddenly, he flung himself up against me and pushed me against the door, his lips automatically locking with mine. I swear I heard Weasley's Wizard Wheezes going off somewhere nearby.

"You know," I managed to mutter between kisses. "You could get fired…for doing this."

I felt him chuckle. "No…I can't…not…anymore. Though…the risk…would have been…quite appealing."

He picked me up and carried me to his desk, lying me down gently.

And I'm just too shy to say the rest…

Hm…maybe I can tell Ginny now.

No! No! _Definitely_ telling Ron first.

_Definitely_.

Year In Review

_Chocolate Units: (though __undoubtedly_ less) approx. 667 (repulsive)

_Assignments Due: 197 (7th years have surprisingly light load)_

_Assignments Turned In: 239 (I could have done better)_

_Malfoy Seductions: 43 (excellent)_

_Number of Mutant Hickies Seen: 2_

_Valentines: 2_

_Boyfriends: 2_

_Good boyfriends: 1 (for only a day so far, but has great potential)_

_Number of School Year Resolutions Kept: Truthfully, 1_

All in all, v.g.

A bloody good year's progress, I think.

**_FIN_**

Awww…it's sad it's over. Maybe I'll do a sequel once I get and read Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Or maybe not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

I would like to thank: Loah (nooo...no revenge. None! I will not take it. I will not...I plan on starting a new similarish but not really story soon!), DarkChildNinaAnimeAngel (I'm a bit complexed as why everyone keeps referring to me as male, but ah well, I'll be anything they want me to be for a review, besides dead. Snape is my hero, anyway :)), Romm (times two. Getting a bit gutter-minded, are we? Lol, it's all great fun), aPPle-FrrEAk (Hehe, the rushing was intentional. Well, we know where Hermione's mind was at the time), nightcrawler7082 (N.E.W.Ts are sort of the equivelent of A-Levels in Britain, or, to be more specific for Americans, kinda like the SATs, but not really. Thanks so much for reviewing, and being the only guy (that I know of), you rock), the soul cage (maaaaaaybe a sequel...maaaaaaybe), anonymous (wow, I feel very loved, thank you for the review!).

And I would also like to thank, in advance, all those that review this final chapter, since I won't be able to thank you later!

I think I have the best fans in the world.

Here's some stories I can recommend, now that you're done:

A serious fic: Hinge of Fate by Ramos (SS/HG)

A pee-your-pants funny fic: The Ultimate Harry Potter Cliché Catalogue by Clam Chowder1  
Or the french translation by ange.

Please review!


	21. Severus Snape's Diary

Hello everyone!

Just writing this announcement to let everyone know that I have began a companion piece to Hermione Granger's Diary.

It was nightcrawler's idea, actually.

But you can find it at 

Hope everyone enjoys it! It's called "Severus Snape's Diary".

Creative, non?

Love, Wonk


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